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I don't really believe in problems. I think the problem with problems is that they imply solutions and once you realise that there are no solutions, even in death, that's already the beginning of happiness.
What I want to do with this column is facilitate through my own experience; just be myself with the other person on the page.
My experience is that I have done everything. I've slept with men, I've slept with women, I've seen prostitutes for 25 years. I have a girlfriend, a lover who knows about all of this ... I sleep with other women I don't pay for, I've been a male escort. My approach has really been that it's only in extreme situations that reality reveals itself. How do you know what kind of person you are until you take risks? The whole point about sexuality is that it involves risks, and rejection. I think it's the most egotistical people who refrain from sex. I'm seen as an egomaniac, but it's not actually true; I sort of pose as one, but to have sex you risk rejection, so you become less egotistical. To become more spiritual, you have to take more risks, get yourself out there.
I live my life like an open book. It's often open at the wrong page, but it's open. I believe that if you've got anything that you're ashamed of you shouldn't do it in private, you should practise it publicly - as long as it does no harm. My philosophy is: open the doors. Love is never about nailing people down, it's about open arms. People will come and go whatever you do, so all you can do is facilitate that, and while it may be hard and hurtful it's the only way to keep your integrity.
We should be reaching for an ideal. When we love we shouldn't really ask for our love to be requited. I don't give you a gift hoping you'll give one back to me. If I love you I'd want my love not to be a burden to you and I shouldn't really expect anything in return. Once you've got to that sophisticated place you'll never be betrayed. Because you find it hard to get there doesn't mean to say you shouldn't try. Love is the lavatory of the emotions. We never treat anyone quite as badly as the person we profess to love. We've all got this idea that we've all got rights, but if we all got what we deserved we'd starve to death.
I think my approach to the column is going to be a kind of brutal honesty, but playful, with detachment and risk taking. So that's what I'll try and do. Is that all right?
email Sebastian for his opinion and advice on any relationship issues that you have. Contact him on Sebastian@tincan.tv
Tags: sebastian horsley sex relationships problems advice
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